Nomad

March 29, 2019

A new friend was somewhat astounded that I was going to San Diego on my own. The fact that I was going to be walking around alone, sitting places alone, eating alone was creepy in his opinion, that I should go to the conference that prompted this trip and come straight back. Not spend any other time there. He said I was going to be “creepy” all the time I was there- talking to myself- and when I came back I was going to be normal again. His reaction, although direct and full of opinion, was not entirely surprising. It is not the the first time I get some version of this narrative. I generally either get a “You’re so brave!” from women or a “You’re so pretty. Why aren’t you traveling with a man? from men. Obviously, I pay no mind to what my dear friend was saying because from what I know of him- he’s a silly guy who loves to anger me.

But as I was walking around on my first day in San Diego, the conversation crept into my mind. I started tuning into that idea and I guess I’ve come up with a few things:

I’m not the best at establishing long-term relationships romantic or otherwise. I’m not good at looking for or pursuing friends enough to continue and strengthen a friendship. As an immigrant this has become even harder. Those relationships and ties you build with the people that have known you forever, seen your transformation, witnessed your life are only but a faint memory to me. My life is divided from the “back home” to where I live now and the general idea of home at this point is somewhat blurred. My oldest friend in my new life is no longer part of it. Meaning there goes a whole pool of traveling companions. Add to this the fact that in more cases than not I lack the patience to “make things work”. At the first sign of heartache or disappointment it has always been easier for me to pick a fight and walk away.  A friend of mine years ago, who the more I think of it knew me so well… once called me a Nomadic soul. This is now what I think he meant. I do what I want to do and the lack of company or support will rarely stop me.

I started thinking about when was the first time I traveled alone. I went to see a friend who had moved to New York City when I was 19 years old. During the trip, I took a Greyhound bus from NYC to Sacramento, California to meet up with someone else. The three days in a Greyhound bus across the United States at the mercy of the intentions of anyone around me who could outwit me. Added the risk of no one finding out where I was if I came to harm. 1996 was not the time of Internet, SD cards or roaming plans on a cell phones. I called my mom from the various stops along the way at least to have a last known location, but she quickly got annoyed. I was on my own. I met many people, had to fight my way through a pushy crackhead  lady who was threatening my spot on the bus. I was left in the middle of nowhere, in what I now think was Idaho, without my bags, my ID, my money. I had to run down the road to catch the bus when it stopped for a traffic light. I could write a whole other entry about that trip alone. In the uncomfortable-ness of no decent food, no sleep, and cleansing myself in bus stops, I found a wonderful solitude grazed by moments when the views outside the window showed me the beauty of a landscape I had not seen before. I guess at that point I internalized the magnitude of the process and that it was something I could just: do. Having the confidence in myself that I’m resourceful and independent. I guess that was the beginning of it all. The desire to see new things is not easily silenced. Being out of comfort just jolts my brain.  Figuring things out, lost, working myself through. Synaptogenesis. Being in awe- Happiness.

Keeping track of EVERYTHING! There are so many things to keep track of when we travel. Routes and your belongings being the most significant. ADD makes these tasks overwhelming. I find that when I’m with people I get too distracted for this. I forget things and having to go through the process of dealing with my little mishaps in front of others stresses me out. Being alone when I travel makes the little routines I’ve established calming -it just feels like self-care. It also forces a level of engagement with my surroundings and with myself. Putting me and my needs in the center of everything. After 18 years teaching, being an on and off wife since I was 19, and essentially 22 years as a mother, that has not been something I’ve catered much to in the past.

As I went along the trip I had the same reaction in three separate locations. People wondering how I could enjoy myself alone. I came to the conclusion that the feeling of not having to run anything by anyone or synchronize interest, stamina, food restrictions, fears or any of the little things that as human beings divide us is incredibly freeing. It opens the space to follow that compass that is nothing but your own. To tune yourself to the surroundings and wander into the new opportunities and experiences that are meant and customized by the Universe for you. Interactions with strangers that will give you insight into the human condition fueled by experiences that can be vastly different to my own. Walking through streets in Little Italy, Gaslamp Quarters, the Marina, Ocean Beach, Tijuana, an overwhelming feeling came over me… I know how to grant myself a good time. Call me creepy!

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¿A qué le tenemos tanto miedo?

Luego de nuestra estadía en Seattle nos dirigimos hacia California por la costa de Oregón.  Una ruta más larga pero al estar encerrada entre tierra tener la oportunidad de estar cerca del mar no es algo que se deje pasar. Fuimos parando y disfrutando de las vistas tomándonos el tiempo de detenernos y disfrutar de la naturaleza y landscape del camino. Esto no fue algo que hicimos en nuestro viaje de 2015.  Teníamos ambos muchas ansias de llegar a nuestro destino y por lo tanto no disfrutamos del camino. Esta vez ha sido diferente lo que me muestra que hemos evolucionado y estamos más dispuestos a poner la atención en la jornada más que en el camino. Esto alargó uno aún más la ruta y al hacerse de noche tocaron las curvas de la carretera entre la oscuridad, la neblina y el reflejo de las luces de los carros que venían en dirección contraria. Toda esta escena parecía un episodio de Stranger Things. Finalmente vemos nuestro motel al lado de la carretera al cuál no le tomé foto de lo que me arrepiento porque no hay palabras. Me estaciono cerca de la oficina que se alumbraba con el reflejo de la luz roja de neón proveniente de la seña “No Vacancy” pude ver dos hombres adentro y le dije a Pablo “¡quédate en el carro!”. Entro a la oficina y me encuentro con los dos individuos vestidos de negro con un aspecto poco saludable hablando.  Respiro e intento no dejar que todas las ideas preconcebidas que he podido haber adoptado durante mi existencia me lleven a concluir que estoy en peligro. Respiro, sonrío y expreso mi intención de registrarme. El otro hombre sintiendo que sobraba en la oficina pequeña aún para dos, se marchó. El attendant extiende la mano para agarrar mi identificación y al alzarse la manga de su hoodie negro queda al descubierto una svastika que llevaba tatuada entre el pulgar y el dedo índice de su mano izquierda. En este momento le doy gracias a Dios que tengo un nombre cuya procedencia es difícil de pillar y además de que llevo tanto tiempo escondida del sol en el norte que mi piel no me delata. Continuamos con la transacción y regrese al carro. Le comento Pablo el cuadro que me encontré que no le dejó nada impresionado. Nos estacionamos frente nuestro cuarto y tan pronto abrimos la puerta fue un golpe de energía super negativa. Un cuarto con dos áreas cada una con una cama cosa que nunca había visto y sin aire acondicionado lo cual implicaba que teníamos que dejar las ventanas abiertas en un lugar donde por el momento no nos sentíamos nada seguros.  Pablo se pone muy nervioso mientras yo intento recordar que es solo un espacio y que yo resido en otro plano que hay luz dentro de mí y alrededor de mí, que el miedo está en mi cabeza. Trato de tranquilizar a Pablo, que pedía que buscáramos un Best Western, alentándolo a pensar en otra cosa que realmente no había justificación para tener miedo ya que no nos había pasado nada. A lo que él comenta que según lo que ha visto en la tele cuando las personas entran a un lugar así no salen. “I blame the media!” me repite una y otra vez. Yo me río de sus ocurrencias y me voy a duchar tranquila. Al irme a acostar sentí mucha sed y decidí ir al carro a buscar agua armándome de valor para salir en semejante oscuridad. Cuando de repente veo a un hombre parado al lado de un carro poco más abajo mirándome fijamente. Debido al desorden en el que viajabamos encontrar el agua no sería fácil. En ese momento los medios de comunicación se apoderaron de mí también y entré al cuarto; sin agua. Aunque me calmé me sentí con la responsabilidad de quedarme despierta a velar por Pablo. Al salir el sol, el panorama era muy distinto. Lo que cubría la oscuridad eran unos alrededores hermosos.  Con la luz del día entendí que el hombre que estaba fuera en el medio de la noche era el mismo que se fue de la oficina cuando llegué la noche anterior y que debía ser el hombre que velaba por la seguridad de todos los que nos alojabamos ahí y de nuestra propiedad. ¡Que ironía! Lo que me confirma las ideas que nos hacemos del miedo y como éste puede paralizarnos sin ningún motivo. Con la luz todo queda más claro.

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All-focus

 

Universe will pay it forward

We were at a beautiful spot where you watch the sunset at Grand Canyon, there was an Eastern European family a mom, dad, grandma and baby. They were all taking turns with the gorgeous baby girl for a picture. I was enjoying this happiness I was witnessing as I could tell they felt so blessed to be in that amazing spot and have this baby in their lives. It reminded me a little of when Pablo was a baby and both my parents and sister were so overjoyed with this miracle I had brought to the world almost out of thin air. I went up to them and offered to take a family picture. They seemed both surprised and excited being approached by me. Dad immediately starts telling me in his broken English how to work his camera and proceeds to specify which background he preferred. 🙂 I obliged and took a few shots as Grandma silently wanted to try a few different poses. About a week later Pablo and I were at this gorgeous spot we randomly found (randomly meaning Pablo feels like trekking through somewhere that seems to be leading nowhere …I follow then BOOM!) We were taking each others pictures when this young woman approaches me and asks if I would like her to photograph us together. I say sure not thinking much of it. Then this amazing photograph is the result. Random acts of kindness that create memories for a lifetime.

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Some other shots of the day:

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The path that seems to lead nowhere…

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Life rocks…

 

Road Trip Summer 2018 Searching On

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I was born restless. Even today I feel it. I do my best to keep up with the demands of a conventional life when I am not conventional. This often leads to a feeling of overwhelming boredom and longing for MORE… always MORE.

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Then the 19 year old wakes up and comes up with a plan. The plan: another Road Trip through the States. My son Pablo and I took one in the summer of 2015. We went down to California with some cool stops along the way.  We spent roughly 15 days out. This time around we have turned ambitious. 29 days on the road. Camping for about half that time. Preparation is way trickier for this trip. I find that some degree of intuition is necessary to go through this process.

What to consider:

All camping equipment: from tent, mosquito nets, cooking gear, sleeping bags appropriate for the weather conditions you will encounter.

First Aid – medicine box- From traveling alone I have developed the need to have this well thought out. You can’t really manage to go out searching for supplies once you get hit with something. Therefore I pack for everything from scrapes to lung, skin or intestinal bacteria.

Being efficient with how to pack your things is of most importance suffering from lack of attention having things sorted in a logical manner helps when you need to find something.

Car maintenance: Super important when you’re headed on a 7,500 km (roughly 5,000 miles) journey. Turns out my front break pads were almost out! Not anymore…Thank you, Sergio!

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Health and travel insurance: Which I hope I’ll never need!

House sitter: Plants need water!!! Thank you Maureen for graciously volunteering to take this on. Enjoy your bachelorette gateway spot for the next month!!

Donations: This is an important part of my journey prep. Taking care of others sends all the Karmic protection you need to make a safe and blessed road to discovery. Thank you, Saman for instilling in me the faith on this practice and for making sure my donations go anonymously to those whose journey in life is defined by hardship.

Now all is pretty much done and I can feel the excitement through my core. That feeling of anticipation of what’s to come. Action and adventure junkie! All our spots are planned and reserved that uncertainty in traveling brings too much discomfort for a planner like myself but still there is so much unknown. I find it necessary to step away from the comfort zone and put yourself in the unknown.

Mission: For this trip I’m hoping to immerse myself in God’s divine creation and find sources of energy that will help me connect with my Angels and Spirit Guides.

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Setting the intention to attune my connection to them in the hopes to help with decision making. What path to follow, what to keep and what needs to be let go! I feel like I’m ready for this to be my next spiritual goal.

Bags are packed and heart is open.

July 19, 2018 to Kamloops first pause.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Venturing on…

Did an oracle reading and the message was clear!

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~ONE- SOAR~

You are getting ready to fly high above all your obstacles, and embrace life in the most magical way.

You have been waiting for this moment! The moment when everything begins to line up in the most magical of ways to allow you to soar above all obstacles, to soar into new heights, and experience new opportunities and adventures. This card represents a time in your life when you are allowing yourself to experience the joys that life has to offer. You are no longer standing in your own way out of fear and resistance, but instead, you are embracing life and calling forward all of the beauty that life has to offer.

This card suggests that you have been working hard to let go of the past and embrace the present! It is as if you have been re-born, and you have a second chance to make the most out of life. You have a feeling that life is too short to waste your time worrying about the little things. You would much rather spend your time dancing in the rain, exploring the world, breathing in the fresh air, and spending time with the people that you love the most. You truly are entering a time in your life when life becomes about living life to the fullest! Get ready for new adventures, because you are about to soar to new heights and experience things that you once did not believe was possible!

 

New venture: México- Ajijic, Jalisco  Thank you Jaime for the invitation. Finding you in Bali was a God sent.
I’m savoring all the details of getting ready. Looking ahead and planning. The unknown is such a magical place to be in.

I definitely feel like it is the time to turn my attention inward. Get out of survival mode and soar. Soar to spiritual new heights and find the joy of living. Follow my bliss, be in bliss, live in bliss!

Get your oracle reading here:

~GUIDING LIGHT ORACLE MESSAGE~